Share Your Feelings as a
Birth Mother: Writing a
Letter to Your Child

Choosing adoption is an extraordinary act of love, providing your child with countless lifelong gifts. Many women make an adoption plan to offer their child the stability of two loving parents, a bright future, and the opportunity to succeed in life.

One unique and cherished gift only you can give is a heartfelt letter of love to your child. This letter allows you to express your hopes and love, helping you to entrust your child to their adoptive parents with confidence and affection. Writing this letter can also help you navigate the mixed emotions that often come with the adoption process.

This letter is a memorable gift that you can only give your child. It’s like a hug that they can keep forever and maybe even read over and over again when they get older.

How can you communicate all the love you have for your child in one note? Here are some tips to guide you in writing a letter of love to your child.

1. Share your dreams for their future

You could start your letter by telling your child your hopes and dreams for their future. These hopes may be one of the main reasons you chose to place them for adoption. 

Maybe you couldn’t give them everything you wanted at that moment, but by choosing adoption, you gave them a chance for a fantastic life with a loving family who can help them reach for the stars. Share the care you took to make sure they had the type of family you wished to provide.

In the letter, write about all your biggest dreams for their future, like becoming a doctor, a teacher, or maybe even an artist! You can also explain how adoption helped make those dreams come true. 

Many birth moms worry that their children might hate them for choosing adoption. Adoption can be confusing to understand, especially when you’re little. But a letter can be like a magic bridge that helps your child know how much you love them! 

Writing a special letter directly to her child can help any birth mother at this time of high emotions and often heartache. Through the letter, the birth mother reveals her true loving feelings for her child.

2. Tell them why you chose adoption

Take the opportunity to explain why you chose to place your child for adoption. You might explain that you did not choose adoption because you did not care about them. Instead, you chose adoption because you care so much that you wanted to provide more for them than you were able to. 

When writing your letter, we recommend giving some background on your life and the circumstances that caused you and the child’s father to choose adoption. Maybe you would have had to work two jobs to make ends meet as a single mom. Or perhaps you were still in school when you got pregnant and needed to finish your education.

3. Share about yourself

Give your child information about you, such as your hobbies, talents, and strengths. Sharing these details allows your child to understand where they get certain interests or skills. 

Your child will feel a special connection to their birth family and origins when they read this info in your letter.

4. Invite others to contribute

If you’re still in touch with your child’s father, tell him about this letter you’re writing. He may want to include something in it or write a letter of his own.

If your family members are struggling with your decision or dealing with difficult emotions, they can also write a letter. Their letter will allow them to communicate to your child that they love them, even if they are far away.

5. Keep your memories safe

Making copies of the letters is a great idea! That way, if you miss your child and want to remember all your love for them, you can reread the letters. It’ll be like having a little time capsule filled with warm memories! You’ll also want to save your letter digitally using a free site like Google Drive, OneNote, or Evernote. 

6. Share the letter

If you’re open to it, you can ask your child’s adoptive parents to give them the letter when they’re older. It will be like a hug from you, showing your love for them forever, no matter what! 

Your special letter is the hope and love you expressed to your child on paper. For many years to come, it will be a treasure for your child and their adoptive parents.

Finding the Words

If you’re finding it difficult to write this letter right now, know you’re not alone. Many birth mothers struggle to find the right words to express their feelings. It can be challenging to accurately convey what’s in your heart, but please don’t let your words and feelings go unwritten.

Try not to worry if putting your feelings into words feels tricky. Even simple words can say a lot! You could write about how happy you were when you found the perfect adoptive parents and share stories about yourself so your child will get to know you. 

Stories the adoptive parents tell your child can’t compare to the genuine words that you’ve written, sharing about yourself and your decision to choose adoption. It’s all from your heart, which makes it extra special!

A Gift That Lasts

This letter is a beautiful way to tell your child how much you care. It’s a gift wrapped in love and hope for their future. Isn’t that amazing? You get to give your child something precious they can treasure forever.

Your letter will share the hope and love you hold for for your child, and is a beautiful way to leave a legacy for your child.