How to Talk to Your Baby’s Father About Adoption

Pregnant woman praying and taking a deep breath
Thinking about adoption is a big decision, and it’s normal to have lots of questions about the process. One thing you might be worried about is how to talk about adoption with your baby’s dad – what if he doesn’t agree with you? Talking to him could be emotional for both of you. Making a plan ahead of time can make it easier to bring up adoption.

First, take a deep breath! Talking to him is important, but you can do it safely and calmly. Read on for info and tips for talking to your baby’s birth father about adoption.

Seek a Professional’s Advice

Before discussing your adoption plans with the baby’s father, seek guidance from an adoption professional. To talk with an adoption professional, call or text the National Adoption Hotline at 1-800-923-6602.

An adoption professional can offer insights and support tailored to your situation. Here are some key questions you might ask:

  • What information does the baby’s father need to know about adoption?
  • What steps should I take if I’m not sure who my baby’s father is?
  • How can I reach out to the father if I don’t have his contact info?
  • What if I’m unsure where my baby’s father is?

The father’s legal rights will vary depending on your situation. In some states, he might need to sign papers agreeing to the adoption; in others, his consent might not be required. 

An adoption professional can help you understand your state’s laws and what steps you need to take. They can also clarify the legal rights of the birth father and assist you in preparing for the conversation, as it’s a good idea to talk about adoption to the father sooner rather than later.

Make a Plan

Your next step is to plan what you’ll say to your baby’s father. Before you talk, write down what you want to say (or type it on your phone). Then, practice the conversation with a friend.

Having a plan can help you stay focused and calm. Explain why you’re considering adoption and how it can benefit both of you. He may feel relieved that you have a plan for the future and hopefully, you can make this decision together. 

But be ready in case he’s against adoption at first. When you talk to him, make sure to mention:

  • Why adoption seems like the best choice
  • The options available in modern, open adoption
  • What role he would have in this decision

Adoption can be a great choice. If you don’t feel ready to raise a baby on your own, adoption can give your child a loving and stable home with a family who can provide for all their needs. There are many different types of adoptive families, and you can choose one that feels like a good fit for you and your baby.

Woman having a talk about adoption with her baby's father

Have the Talk

When it’s time to talk to him about adoption, make sure to pick a good time and place. Don’t try to have this conversation when you’re both stressed or upset. Choose a calm moment when you can talk openly, maybe in a neutral location like a park or coffee shop.

Be honest and gentle. Explain why you’re considering adoption. Let him know you care about his feelings, but you also need to do what’s best for you and the baby. Let him know that with modern, open adoption, he too can get updates and pictures about his child, and even occasional visits if he wants.

Then, listen to his side. Maybe he has concerns you haven’t thought about. 

Communication is key. Even if the dad doesn’t agree with adoption, open communication can help you respectfully navigate this situation. Try to hear him out, even if you don’t agree with everything he says.

Give It Time

Keep in mind that hearing about your decision to place the baby for adoption might catch him off guard. After all, it’s his baby too. Conversations like this can stir up a lot of emotions for both of you.

Your baby’s dad might disagree with the adoption right away, but his feelings could change after some time to think it over. Allow him the space to process his emotions about adoption. Just like you’ve had time to consider your decision, he’ll need time too.

After sharing the news, you should suggest meeting again in a few days to discuss it further. Before you part, offer your baby’s dad the contact information of your adoption professional and encourage him to reach out. The adoption professional can provide support and information to help him navigate this process.

Know that his decision doesn’t have to be your decision. Even if the dad does want to raise the baby, that doesn’t mean you can’t choose adoption. In most places, birth mothers have the right to choose adoption for their child, regardless of the father’s feelings.

He Can Take Part in Adoption

If your baby’s father is on board with your decision, you can involve him in the adoption planning process. Invite him to accompany you when you meet with the adoption professional. They can address his concerns and provide valuable information. Additionally, they might be able to offer him counseling or other forms of support. 

Together, you and the baby’s father can:

  • Review adoptive family profiles to select the right parents for your baby.
  • Establish pre-placement contact with the adoptive family.
  • Have him by your side at the hospital when the baby arrives.
  • Take part in future contact with your child and the adoptive family.

Do I Have to Talk With My Baby’s Father? 

If you’re scared to talk to your baby’s dad about adoption because it could put you or the baby at risk, you don’t need to contact him right away. Explain your situation to your adoption professional, who can connect you with an adoption attorney. The attorney can inform you of the legal steps you’ll need to take to keep you and your baby safe.

If you don’t know your baby’s dad very well, you still need to let him know about the adoption. However, your adoption professional can help you explain the situation to him.

You’re not alone! An adoption professional can help you figure out how to approach the conversation and offer support throughout the process. They can also connect you with legal resources, if needed, at no cost to you.

Remember: Choosing adoption is a brave and loving decision. You’re doing what’s best for your child, and there are people to help you every step of the way, even if the baby’s dad doesn’t agree at first.