Birth Mother Grief

birth mothers experience grieving after giving their babies up for adoption and find comfort in open adoption communication

Becoming a mother pulls at all emotions at once. A mother may be excited, thrilled, sad and scared. This is compounded by the process of adoption. An adoptive mother may have feelings of sadness, depression and even grief when her new baby is placed in her arms for the first time. While she is also happy that her dreams of a family have finally come true, she may also experience empathy for the woman who chose to let go of her own child. A Catholic open adoption has shown to help both adoptive and birth mothers to quickly get through the grieving process. While no adoption is without some pain, knowing that the child is being raised by a loving, supportive Catholic family helps the birth mother to feel joy in the life that she has chosen for the child. Likewise, knowing that she will be able to watch as the child grows, communicate with the baby and even meet in person can make the adoption a happy occasion rather than a sad one. Adoptive moms can find comfort in their Catholic faith. The Catholic adoption should prepare them for any of the emotions they might feel once the adoption is complete. By continuing to communicate with any support groups, spiritual leaders, friends and family, adoptive moms will discover just how much they have to offer. They will understand why they were chosen, by the birth parents as well as by God.

Catholic family in church with adopted baby

Prior to the completion of the adoption, it is imperative that birth parents and adoptive parents agree on the extent and type of communication that will occur after the child is born. Some birth mothers may find that they need time with the child so they can say goodbye. Some may prefer to give those early moments to the adoptive mom so the bonding can start as soon as possible. Each birth mom should do her best to understand how she copes with grief. Having the right adoption plan in place can also lessen the amount of grief felt.

Though not as common, some open adoptions occur with children who are older. These same feelings of grief exist or can be even stronger. When the child and birth mother have already had time to bond, the separation may be intense. The adoptive mother might feel this as well, which could cause her own feelings of depression. Again, it is vital that all parties understand that the adoption is best for the child. Strong faith helps the family to heal from the pain. It also helps them to very quickly begin to enjoy the excitement of the new family unit.

A Catholic open adoption allows the parents to get to know each other before and after the adoption. This is a great blessing to everyone involved. Studies have shown that these types of adoption are healthiest for the birth mothers, adoptive parents and the children.